My little girl is just over 2 and half years old. Over the last few weeks or so, everything has become a battle, especially getting her dressed, bathing her and putting her to bed. She constantly asks for my partner to do this instead of me, partly I think because he is happy to take longer doing it when I really can’t spend 15 minutes trying to get a pair of trousers on her! It is really starting to exasperate me and I find that I am starting to lose my temper and shouting at her. Any suggestions?
This is a very common problem at your daughter’s age and it requires an enormous amount of patience from parents for it not to get out of hand. I actually think that 15 minutes for a toddler to learn to take off or put on her trousers isn’t such a long time. If you try to organize your day so you can allow her longer for these things then you may not feel under so much pressure.
I have found that using a star chart is a very effective way of getting them to hurry along. I think it is very important that both parents approach this sort of problem in the same way, and although it is hard, I think you should try to take a leaf out of your partner’s book and try to be more patient. Children are very quick to sense when parents are in disagreement over something and if the situation is allowed to continue she may start to play you and your partner off against each other.
As mornings are usually the time when this becomes a real issue, it is important to implement a firm and regular routine. The minute that she finishes breakfast I would take her back upstairs to get washed and dressed. I know that it is tempting to let her play while you tidy up, or put the laundry on. But in my experience once they start playing it can be very difficult to get back upstairs and dressed as their mind is on other things. Using phrases like “ which toys are you going to play with once you are washed and dressed” as opposed to “shall we go upstairs and get dressed”. Give her a reason why she should get dressed, not a choice of whether she should. This approach together with the star chart is usually a very effective way of encouraging your children to speed things up. She also has to realize that if she deliberately dawdles or takes too long that there could be a consequence. For example if your morning is planned that she gets dressed, plays for a short time, and then you both go out to the shops. If she has messed around while getting dressed, then skip the playing and head straight for shops, explaining that tomorrow morning if she gets dressed more quickly she can play with her toys.
Another option that has worked with larger families is that everyone has to be dressed before they are allowed downstairs. Whichever routes you take try to be consistent. It is no good one day helping her to dress because you are running late for an appointment, then the next day getting cross because you expect her to dress herself. With toddlers in particular, being consistent and persistent in your approach with them always gets the best results in the long term.