Sleeping FAQ: 12-18 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

At 1 year old my daughter has started to become very difficult to settle into her cot at bedtime.

My 1 year old daughter has become a nightmare to settle at bedtime. She used to go down without any fuss at all and slept well for the last couple of months. Over the last 2 weeks she has been getting harder and harder to settle and evenings are now a horrendous battle that I dread. She is very tired as she walks quite a lot during the day (although we do have lots of quiet time to try and avoid exhaustion). She eats very well (all homemade) and sleeps well in the day, but at night it can take a long hard battle to get her to sleep and it is driving me crazy as I don’t know why it is happening and therefore what to do to fix it.

I put my daughter down at about 7pm and she may chat for a minute or two and then starts grizzling. She is in a comfortable (not too long) sleeping bag and starts sitting up and then sometimes bangs her head on the bars on the way down making matters worse. Even if there are no bangs her crying escalates to hysterical within 10 minutes or so. She has a little toy that she cannot sleep without but she pushes it out of the cot bed on to the floor and says ‘uh oh’ so I have to go in and give it to her or she cannot sleep. Even if she keeps the toy in the cot she still gets very het up and will not go to sleep.

She developed a cold a couple of days ago which is making matters worse, and she may be teething. I have followed the advice on this board in detail (reassuring her from outside the door, going in and patting her, having a piece of my clothing in her bed, quiet time during the day and before bed along with a rock solid routine). I have also followed the advice about tilting the cot and putting a wet towel on the radiator.

Not only is she difficult to settle at night but she wakes frequently during the evening, sometimes settling herself back and sometimes not. She is also waking very early and consequently starting the day exhausted. Again I have tried the techniques mentioned (having an oz or two of milk at tea time if she will take it), trying to settle her in the early morning but all to no avail.

I cannot bear controlled crying and she is too young for the gradual withdrawal method. What on earth is wrong and what can I do to stop this getting any worse?

My daughter takes 4ozs milk at 7am followed by breakfast of cereal and yogurt and then a further 4ozs.

11.50am Soup and toast followed by fruit
1.30pm, 2ozs, before nap, 3pm, 2ozs, 5pm, cheese triangle, Chicken casserole with avocado finger food and small amount of fruit pudding. 2ozs of milk at times, 6.45pm 5-7ozs depending what was taken at teatime.

My daughter naps at 9-9.40am and 1.30-3pm.

Now that your daughter has started walking she could well be ready for bed before 7pm. If she is overtired at this time she is more likely to fight going down to sleep. Physical exhaustion can often result in poor sleep and waking early.

You also need to look at how much and when she is sleeping in the daytime.

You are right to have the same routine each night as around this time separation anxiety can be apparent and your daughter will feel secure knowing the same thing happens each evening. Move her bath and bed time back to an earlier time so she is ready to go into her cot by 6.30/40pm.

Once your daughter is going down at the earlier time you may find she is happy to chat to herself for longer before settling herself to sleep. Make a ritual of tucking her in and saying, “Goodnight”. Try to use the same words each night when you do this. Say “Night, night” and add that it is time for her to go to sleep now. Use a lullaby light or music box, if you have one, as this will be something to distract her once you have settled her down and left the room.

If your daughter does begin to cry once you have left the room, don’t leave her to become hysterical before going back in her room. Go back in after a few minutes and lie her down again if she has sat herself up and is crying. Reassure her with the same words every time, ”It’s night time now, time to go to sleep”. Leave her again but return within a few minutes, if she continues to cry rather than let it escalate again. Lie her down and say the same words again. By using the same method consistently your daughter should not become so upset, as she realizes that you will return to reassure her. You are not assisting her to go to sleep but letting her know that you are still there.

By this age your daughter’s morning nap should be nearer to 9.30am and be no longer than 30 minutes. If you feel that she will find it hard to wait until 9.30am, as she is waking at 6am, then move the nap on by 5 minutes every few days so she gets used to the new timings.

Once your daughter is settling better at bedtime, waking less in the evening and early morning you can begin to move her bedtime back towards 7pm. As she becomes more competent at walking she will be less tired by the end of the day but it is still a good idea to build quiet times into her day.