Sleeping FAQ: 24+ Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

We have moved our 2 year old into a bed and she now is waking hysterical, several times in the night.

My daughter has just had her second birthday. My husband and I decided to put her into her cot bed. She is our only child so we were not doing this for any need to use her cot again. We were blinkered perhaps by the fact she was 2 and is extremely forward in most things. At her nursery they are always telling us how well she sleeps in her bed.

We took the sides off the cot a few nights ago. Prior to this consulted Gina’s book’s (have them all) and it doesn’t really cover what to do if your child continuously gets out of bed.

On the first after our usual bedtime routine, of bath at 6.45 – glass of milk, biscuit and story my daughter happily got unto her bed at 7.30pm. All was well and not a peep was heard so we thought we had cracked it. After 10 minutes she was screaming hysterically at her bedroom door, banging to get out a she cannot quite reach the handle yet. So having read another book which covered this problem, I escorted her back into bed and reassured her I was there but kept it minimal, tucked her in and left the room. This went on for over 2 hours until she finally gave in and went to sleep. She slept well all night and woke at 8.30am the next morning.

The following afternoon my daughter settled and slept well for her lunch time nap from 1pm to 1.50pm.

That night we had the same problems; into bed at 7.30pm, then took until 8.30pm before she went to sleep. She woke at 12pm, 1.30am, 4am and 5.30am each time crying hysterically and was sick at 1.30am from crying so much.

Pretty much the same on the following night; it took until 8pm to get her to sleep. She woke at 5.30am but didn’t get up just cried for about 5 minutes and went back to sleep until 7.30am. So we thought perhaps we were making some progress.

Last night was the worst; bed at 7.30pm and she fell asleep straight away, no fuss at all. Woke at midnight and I have never heard her scream and cry like this ever, she was hysterical screaming “mommy, no bed out out !!” This went on for 4 hours until I gave in and she came into our bed (I hate this).

What do I do now, I feel awful, I have turned my beautiful little girl that slept like a dream from 7 -7 from 12 weeks into a nervous wreck.

Do I continue, but put her back into her gro bag and use a bed guard? Persevere with a quilt as I am doing now? Or put her back into her cot and wait until she is nearer 3 yrs old. I realize that if we put her back into her cot we will have a few nights of controlled crying to cope with but that’s fine.

Although your daughter sleeps well in her bed at nursery, being alone in her bed at night in a dark room is a very different scenario. The reason that Gina and most other child experts suggest that you keep your child in a cot until nearer the age of three is the psychological security that the cot bars seem to give a child of this age. They have had the security of this barrier around them since their early days. Sleeping in a cot, in a sleeping bag, usually means they do not even attempt to get out. It is as though the thought never occurs to them. They feel safe, rather than restricted, in the familiar confines of their cot and have no need to escape.

In Contented Baby to Confident Child there is a section with some possible problems that may happen if a young toddler is moved to a bed too early. See page 107.

A very young child who is in a bed, especially with no guard rails, suddenly is confronted with a vast space around them. If they wake and are aware of this space they easily become frightened and want to get out of the room, but can’t see to do so.

With an older child who becomes afraid of the dark, a plug-in wall light may help. But a child under the age of three is more likely to start waking in the night and need to be resettled if a light is left on all night.

Once in a bed a child usually realizes that they can get out. This can quickly escalate into an issue, either at bedtime, in the night or early morning. With a child over three a firm, no-nonsense approach can be taken. The child is firmly led back to bed every time they get out, with no conversation. The parent may need to do this several times a night for a few nights but the message will finally be understood if a consistent approach is adopted. See Gina’s Complete Sleep Guide, page 147, and the following case study which explains this in detail.

When at nursery, your daughter is in a room which is probably not pitch dark and she is not alone. There are other children around her. But when in her bed at night she has realized that she is able to get out, but unable to get to you as she cannot open her door. This must be terrifying for her.

As you have no reason to want her to become used to a bed replace her cot bars, put her back into her sleeping bag and don’t try the bed again for at least another six months. By then she will hopefully have forgotten her fright over the past few nights. Waiting until she is nearer three would be a better option.

As she is now two and there is no fear of smothering, you could get her used to having a duvet in her cot. A lot of children under the age of three years are unable to pull a duvet over them if they wake cold in the night. If she spends the next year with a duvet in her cot, she will be far more able to cope with one when the time comes for her to move to a bed. To prevent her from getting cold, still use a lightweight sleeping bag. This will also prevent your daughter from trying to get out of her cot. She may try to do this having realized that she was able to get out of her bed. A sleeping bag usually deters even the most determined toddler from trying to climb out of their cot, although some may hurl themselves over the top. If you think this may happen lay down sun lounger cushions by the cot once she is asleep.

The difference between a child who is just two and one who is almost three is amazing. It is difficult to realize this when you have a bright child who seems advanced in many ways. She is obviously articulate but still only has the emotional development of a two year old. This is apparent when she meets a situation she is unable to cope with. It seems that early talkers often have vocabulary which outstrips their emotional comprehension and understanding.

Your daughter may need a few nights of controlled crying once she is back in a cot, but she is far more likely to go happily back into her familiar surroundings and sleep straight through the night again.