My 29 month old has begun to wake and cry in the night after illness.
My daughter has always slept well and we’ve followed Gina’s routines from six weeks. From 16 weeks she regularly slept through the night and from six months always slept 7pm-7am. Three months ago this abruptly stopped after a cold and a sinusitis-type virus. She has woken every night since then at least twice and regularly stays awake for 1-3 hours. I’m coping with this alone as my husband leaves for work at 5am every day and isn’t back before 7.30pm. She dropped her lunchtime sleep at 20 months. We put her into a bed at 24 months (my brother-in-law needed the cot for his first baby). We don’t have any other children.
To stop her wandering around at night she has a stair gate across the doorway. When she wakes up she wedges herself between the door and the gate and yells for me until I come in. I try not to say anything but the first time it happens I take her to the toilet (she’s been dry at night for roughly three months). I then return her to her room tuck her in, tell her: “it’s still night time” and walk away. This is normally between 10.30 and 11.30pm. She then wakes up again about 2-3 hours later at which time I go into her and tell her: “it’s night time and time to sleep”. She will try and engage me in conversation but I try not to respond. She’ll try anything not to get me to leave: “I need the toilet”; “there are monsters (tell them to go away – this works); “I don’t want you to go”, etc. She will then drift off for about 20 mins and then wake up crying for me again (same routine – wedging herself between the door and stair gate). This can regularly go on for 1-3 hours. She eventually wakes up ready for the day at 6am which is far too early!
During the day I try to keep her stimulated mentally and physically (although I’m finding walking for 2 miles each day almost impossible with the lack of sleep). She’s a very bright child with advanced vocabulary and needs the stimulation of company to keep her happy. We go out and see friends when I’m not working (2 days a week) and my childminder who has her one day a week has other children so she gets to be amongst other children.
She has always eaten very well and I ensure she has the right amount of vegetables, protein, carbohydrates etc. She’s allowed chocolate after lunch but no other sweets with E-numbers as they make her hyperactive! She has three good-sized meals a day and is on the 50th weight percentile and 75th height percentile for her age.
Her daytime behaviour is amazingly good, bearing in mind the lack of sleep. However, I do notice that from about 6pm onwards she gets totally hyperactive which is a sure sign she’s getting tired. She’s in the bath by 6.30pm and normally in bed by 7-7.30pm. I’ve always followed the same bedtime routine but for the last few nights we’ve had trouble settling her.
I suffer from depression although have been off medication for almost a year but can feel symptoms coming back due to continued lack of sleep. This is also affecting our marriage.
Your daughter’s night-time waking seems to have happened after illness and around the time she was dry at night, so she is now presumably out of nappies. At her age she is very young to be out of nappies at night, and if she is waking on a nightly basis needing to go to the loo she may possibly be not quite ready for this step yet. If she is also needing the loo at her second waking it may be sensible to put her back into nappies to see if this stops her waking so much.
As she also moved to a bed at quite a young age you will need to make it clear to her that getting out of bed is not an option at night. Fixing a bed rail may help. But as she is now used to calling for you and seeing you in the night you may need to put some sleep training into place as well.
When you hear her calling in the night you need to take her back to bed with very few words, tuck her up and leave. Use the same words every night: “it’s night time, time to sleep”. Don’t engage in any other conversation at all. She will probably begin to cry and possibly scream.
Leave her for 3-5 mins before returning and telling her the same thing again. Remaining calm and consistent in the middle of the night when you are exhausted is difficult to do but this is the only way your daughter will learn that night time is not when you get to chat or stay awake. As soon as you are aware she is out of bed again then repeat the procedure. It may mean many trips back to bed in the first few nights but being firm and consistent is the way she will learn that she must stay in bed. If she stays in bed but continues to cry then use the controlled crying method as explained in detail in Gina’s Complete Sleep Guide p45.
Her tiredness is beginning to affect her settling at bedtime. Move everything forward by at least half an hour so she is in the bath by 6pm. Have her dressed and in bed by 6.40pm at the latest. Make sure her bath and bed routine are low key and quiet. Use the routine for settling in the same way you always have, not letting her prolong it with requests for “one more story, one more drink.” As you leave make a point of saying “sleep tight, see you in the morning”. Tell her a special or well-loved toy is with her to help her sleep well.
Getting her to settle back to sleep without so much fuss will take time and persistence. Once you see that she is beginning to accept that there is no point in calling or trying to engage you in conversation at night you could begin a star chart to encourage her to stay in bed and go back to sleep should she stir. Have a small incentive which she can have after 3-4 nights of no crying or disturbance. A comic or treat she does not normally receive is adequate. The chart is used as a visual aid to show her that she is capable of staying in bed. Use stars in the morning to chart how well she is doing. This is why you will need to address the issue of if she is really ready to be “dry” at night. If she is genuinely waking needing the loo you will have a far more difficult job on your hands of getting her to stay in bed. At her age she is too young to cope with getting onto a potty in her room. You would need to leave a night light on for her to see which may further encourage night time waking and wandering in her room.
Deal with the 6am waking in the same way. Lead her back to bed and tell her it is not morning yet. Some children benefit from having a “bunny alarm“ clock which comes awake when it is time to get up, or at least to get out of bed and play quietly until you come in to start the day. Again, if she is used to your attention at this time of day she may resist the change in routine at first but if you remain firm in your approach and resolve she will become used to staying in her bed until “morning time”.
Have a look at Gina’s Contented Baby to Confident Child which deals in depth with night wakings and early starts in toddlerhood.