Dealing with a sensitive child. What is the best approach to have with my two and half year old?
My two-and-a-half year old daughter has always been a very emotional and sensitive child. She bursts into tears for the slightest reason. For instance, if she can’t find the right piece for the jigsaw, she falls over or someone speaks sharply, she gets hysterical unless she is picked up and cuddled. My husband and I are having major rows over how to deal with this. I feel we have to toughen her up a bit before she starts nursery at three years old, but my husband disagrees and says that it is better if she is comforted all the time as this will help her to grow up to be a more sensitive human being.
It is never easy when parents disagree over the upbringing of their children. Try to always have any discussions about your daughter’s behaviour well out of her earshot as the problem will only get worse if she senses tension between you. Look at the following ideas and try to reach an agreement over the best way to handle your daughter’s sensitivity. If both of you handle her in the same way she will learn that you both care for her and her needs, but are also allowing her to be a little more in control of her emotions. This is what will help her to grow up to be a sympathetic person who senses others needs and helps them.
There are many ways that you can console and be sympathetic to your daughter without always resorting to picking her up. In the case of tumbles, the more emotional you become about the situation, rushing to her, picking her up and being overly gushing about whether she is alright, could make her even more hysterical.
Of course you need to make sure she is alright but often it is the shock of falling over rather than any injury which makes children cry. “Whoops a daisy, up you get”, said cheerfully whilst helping her up, rubbing her knees as you do so, may result in her hardly crying at all. If she is upset, then sit her beside you rather than always lifting her up. Look at her knees, hands or whatever using a sympathetic”That was a nasty tumble”, and then think of something to take her mind off what has just happened. Distraction often works wonders. Ask her to help you get the vegetables out so you can begin lunch or take her upstairs to help you make the beds.
Helping your daughter to be a little more in control when frustrated will help her when she begins nursery. If she has lost a piece of jigsaw, make a game of finding it. Be a little silly and ask out loud:”I wonder if it hiding in the fridge?”, and with great flourish pretend to look. “Oh no, silly me!”. A few other places can be searched which will probably result in her laughing rather than becoming hysterical. Help her to look for it properly as well and if possible let her be the “finder” even if you have located it first. If she can’t get something to fit or undo, immediately help her and say: “This is tricky!”. This will help her control her emotions a little, by helping her realise, that if she perseveres things usually will work out.
Small children do get frustrated quite quickly, so they need help in being able to calm down and work at the problem. It will help her independence if she is able to achieve things for herself rather than always bursting into tears, needing long cuddles and an adult to solve things for her.