Development FAQ: 24+ months – Behaviour

My two-and-a-half-year-old son has become really obsessive about certain things. Usually about things being done in a certain order or being put back in exactly the right place. For example if I put his pants on before his vest, he has to take them off and start again, in the ‘correct’ order. This means that simple things take twice as long as they should. I know he is only young and trying to be independent but do you think this behaviour is normal? I don’t want it to develop into a major obsession.

Don’t worry! The short answer to this question is that following routines and wanting things done in a certain way are part of a normal developmental pattern. Everyone, adults and children included, have routines that they like to follow. I am sure that if you look at your day-to-day life you want to do things a certain way and have a number of routines in place. Children are no different and it is very common for them to show this type of behavioural pattern. The difference is that in young children their routines or need to do things in a certain way can often appear illogical or can seem rather unusual at times. Typical things that a toddler likes to do in a certain way include wanting their food on a plate in certain places or not touching each other, lining up toys such as bricks or cars, having a set routine when saying goodnight, to name but a few.

Ultimately, wanting to do things in a certain way allows a child a sense of control or power in what is often an unpredictable world. It can also be a child’s way of asserting their independence, as you have mentioned. Carrying out a routine can serve to make the child less anxious and more at ease with a situation. During the ‘terrible twos’, everything can appear to have a hint of obsessiveness about it. Certain behaviours may increase if a child is feeling more stressed or unsure of what is going to happen. The need for predictability is more apparent in children with an anxious predisposition.

In the first instance it is advisable to ignore behaviour such as tantrums. In the example you have given, it was not too disruptive for you to do the routine as he requested. However, if you feel that certain behaviours are becoming too rigid, it can be useful to challenge these behaviours in a very gentle manner. It may be that the ritual which was initially soothing now becomes in itself a source of stress, as the child may believe that if certain things don’t happen in a particular way, something bad could happen. Therefore, it is advisable to talk to the child about the behaviour and try to vary it, turning it into a game to think of different things to do. Try to understand the child’s worries and help the child test them out in a gentle, kind and patient way. Often easier said than done, but allowing your anxiety about the situation may be transferred to your child, thereby exacerbating the situation.

It sounds as if your concern may be that your child’s obsession could become so severe that it could develop into something more serious. Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a disorder which is characterised by difficulties with intrusive thoughts and impulses which are usually accompanied by compulsions when the person has to do or think something to stop bad things happening. If these behavioural and cognitive components begin to interfere significantly in a person’s life and stop them doing things which they would normally do, as well as impact significantly on family life, it is then that external help is usually required. True OCD is very rare in children under 8 years. Certain obsessive behaviours can also be part of a developmental difficulty but it is very likely that there are usually other more prominent features which will raise concern rather than just the obsessive behaviours.