Sleeping FAQ: 18-24 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

Since moving to a bed my 21mth old insists we stay in the room until he falls asleep.

My 21 month old son has always been happy to go to bed in cot and left to go to sleep on own. He will resettle himself if he wakes in the night and sleeps until 6.30 – 7.30 every day. We have just moved him in to the big bed and new room as I also have a 3 month old still in her swing crib and would her to go in the cot. Relations between children are good. My son loves his new room. If we settle him as normal and just sit in the room with him in a chair he will go to sleep as usual in 30-60 minutes. If we try to leave the room he is back out of bed and will howl the place down at the stair gate in his room. I know it is recommended in the books to keep him in a cot longer. Should we back track or persevere? He has never been clingy and genuinely seems to like his bed as long as we are there. Please help as we don’t want to do lasting damage to his routine as he has always been so good at sleeping.

Your son is probably missing the security of his cot around him. Although he likes his new room and bed, when night time comes he probably feels afraid at the space around him as he has been used to the cosy confines of his cot. This is why it is recommended that children stay in their cots until nearer three years of age. Problems with settling and night waking can easily escalate with younger children who do not understand so well about having to stay in bed. Once they are aware they can get out of their bed it is far harder to settle them back in again. If it is possible to put your son back into his cot then that would be the most sensible thing to do before this problem intensifies. You may be able to borrow a cot for your daughter or look into buying a second hand one providing you have checked it over properly.

If you have not already fitted bed guard rails to his bed then these may help him feel more secure. They will also make it slightly less easy for him to get out of the bed as soon as you leave the room.

Put a proper bedtime ritual into place which should include looking at one or two books once your son is in his bed. Once you are ready to say good night tuck him in. If you decide to continue with your son being in a bed you could try using the gradual withdrawal method to help him get used to falling asleep alone, as he has already been falling asleep when you are in the room. This may take some time and you will need to be both consistent and persistent with it once you have started.

Sit in the room for 10 minutes then tell him that you are leaving but will be back in a couple of minutes. If he gets out of bed as soon as you leave the room go back in and lead him straight back to bed without engaging in any conversation other than saying, ‘Its bedtme, time to go to sleep’. If he stays in bed once you have left the first time, return within two minutes and remain sitting with him for another ten minutes then tell him you are leaving again but will come back in two minutes.

Depending how your son reacts to this way of settling you may be able to start increasing the time you stay out of the room by a few minutes within three or four times of starting. Over the next few nights begin to decrease the time you stay in the room with him and increase the time you remain outside. This method does need a lot of will power to carry through but, if you feel he is responding well, you should find he begins to fall asleep quicker and you only have to check on him two or three times before he does.

Have a look at the case study on page 148 of The Complete Sleep Guide where this method is explained. This book also carries more details of using the gradual withdrawal method on page 49.

If your son continues to get out of bed and cry every time you leave then putting him back into a cot would be the kindest solution as he is showing you he is really not ready to make this move.