Sleeping FAQ: 18-24 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

My 21mth old son takes along time to settle at night and I need to stay in his room.

My 21 month old son has been taking a long time to settle at night. I put him in bed at around 7:45pm, but he doesn’t fall asleep till around 8:30pm. He used to take about 15-20mins to fall asleep now it is taking much longer than that. I have to sit in the room and wait for him to fall asleep before I can leave.

During the day he is sleeping for an hour, sometimes a little longer.

Should I decrease his daytime nap to 30mins or cut it out all together? Would this make his settling at night shorter?

My son naps at 1-2pm.

Some children do need less sleep overall than others. A few children are ready to drop the lunchtime nap before they are two but some still need a short sleep of 30-45minutes in the middle of the day to prevent overtiredness.

As your son is sleeping until 7.30am and so having 11 hours sleep this may be all he needs. If your son wakes at 2pm after his lunchtime nap, then you could try cutting down this sleep by 10-15minutes and see if he is then able to settle quicker at night time. It may take a few days for you see the full result. If you are waking your son at 2pm each day then he is probably not yet ready to cut back any more on this sleep.

Depending on how long it has been going on, part of the problem with your son’s settling may be due to his needing you to sit with him whilst he settles to sleep. It would be a good idea to very gradually wean him off this need.

Have a very quiet and calm bedtime routine so your toddler knows that the time of day is coming when he must settle down into his cot. After his bath, don’t encourage him to run around a lot. This can lead to toddlers getting a second wind and then taking much longer to settle. It is a good idea to have your son in his cot within half an hour of his getting out of the bath. Once he is dried and in his night clothes encourage him to sit quietly with you and look at some books whilst he has his milk. Once he has cleaned his teeth take him to his room and settle him down.

To help him settle without you in the room use the gradual withdrawal method. This is described in detail on page 49 of the Complete Sleep Guide. If you are already just sitting in the room, begin to move your chair nearer and nearer to the door each night. On the night when you are right beside the door say Goodnight to your son and then tell him you need to go outside for a minute but you will be back to check on him. Leave the room for about a minute but, whilst you are outside, use your voice to reassure him that you will be back. Go back in and sit on the chair again for about 10 minutes and then tell him you have to go outside once more but will be back. Leave for 2 minutes this time but keep reassuring your son with your voice if he is calling out for you. Keep repeating this for as long as it takes him to fall asleep. On the first night keep your time outside the room to about 2-3minutes at least for the first half hour.

Over subsequent nights gradually increase the time you stay outside the room. Tell your son when you are going, don’t just slip out, and reassure him you will come back. If he is distressed then call to him from outside the room, so he is reassured that you will be back.

It can take time and persistence for the gradual withdrawal to work properly. If you gradually lengthen the time you stay outside the room your son will learn to fall asleep alone, without the association he has of needing you in the room. He may back track after a few nights and want you stay with him but, if you are calm but firm and continue with the method, within a week or so he should be able to settle much better. It may take another week or so for you not to have to go in and check on him several times after you have said Goodnight to him but it is worth the effort involved if he learns to fall asleep alone and he may begin to do so much quicker than at present.