Sleeping FAQ: 4-6 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

I have just started following your routines with my baby girl, who is four months. I know in your books you say it is important that the baby is allowed to settle itself to sleep so they do not learn the wrong sleep associations. Can you explain this in more detail? At the moment I am cuddling my baby to sleep then putting her in a crib, which is slightly larger than a Moses basket, and smaller than a cot. Sometimes she will settle to sleep quickly and sleep the times you recommend. Other times she wakes up within five minutes, and I have to rock the crib to get her back to sleep. Other times she will stay asleep but wake after 30 to 40 minutes and not settle back to sleep unless the crib is rocked. Should I stop doing this and try reading her a story or play music to her instead, until she falls asleep, of just leave her to cry until she eventually falls asleep?

A baby who is constantly fed, rocked or cuddled to sleep could go on to develop long term sleep associations. Research during which babies were filmed while asleep showed that all babies drift into a light sleep several times a night. Some will arouse from the deep sleep for a short spell, but remain in a drowsy state, and others will awaken fully. The difference between the babies who had developed good sleeping habits from the ones, who developed poor sleeping habits, was that the poor sleepers were unable to drift back to sleep when they woke up in the night. The parents of these babies would have to help them back to sleep by whatever method they had associated with falling asleep. This could be getting up and putting the dummy in several times a night, or picking them up and cuddling them back to sleep, or as you are doing, gently rocking the crib. If you continue to constantly rock your baby to sleep you will probably find that you will have to continue to resettle her several times a night.

Because you have just started following the routines I would suggest that for the next week or so you continue to rock her to sleep, and resettle her when she wakes by rocking the crib. However, once you see that her body clock is getting used to sleeping at the recommended times in the book, gradually reduce the amount of time you spend helping her to get to sleep. Establish a nice quiet relaxing bedtime routine as suggested in the book. By all means give your baby cuddles after her bath and feed, but try to get her into the crib before she is asleep. This may mean that you have to bring the bath and bedtime routine forward slightly to allow enough time for cuddles and so that she does not become over-tired. Overtiredness can be a real problem with babies of your daughter’s age, and you should aim to have her in bed by 6.45pm, to allow her plenty of time to settle herself. Because she has been used to you helping her get to sleep it would be a good idea to use a lullaby light or gently CD tape as part of her new bedtime routine.

When teaching her to settle herself it is important that you are consistent with your approach, and follow the same procedure every night:

• Settle her in the cot sleepy but still awake, and making sure that she is tucked in well.
• Turn on the lullaby light and switch off the lights.
• Kiss her and say “night night”, then leave the room.
• Allow her a short period of fussing to see if she will settle herself. If you think she is getting upset you can return to the room for a minute or so to reassure her.
• Try not to pick her up or rock the crib. You can stroke her forehead or rub her tummy while using a “shh shh” tone of voice to reassure her.

The important thing to remember if this settling technique is to work is that each night you should extend the time before you go in to her.

If you find that she settles quickly but wakes up after 30/40 minutes, you should try leaving her for a short spell. If she sounds as if she is not settling back to sleep, you can enter the room, and use the lullaby light, and use the above settling technique until she gets herself back to sleep. However, it is important that you only use this once or twice during the night; otherwise you will find that she could wake up looking for the lullaby light every time she comes into a light sleep.

You will probably find that you will have to follow the above settling techniques for several nights until she gets used to settling herself. But it will work as long as you make sure that she has fed well, is winded and is not overtired. Once she is used to settling herself at bedtime, it is really important that you do allow her to resettle herself without reassurance from you and the lullaby light when she comes into her light sleep.