Sleeping FAQ: 0-8 weeks – Settling/Sleep Associations

My newborn of 3 weeks will not settle to sleep unless being fed or cuddled

My baby is only happy if being fed or cuddled. Within minutes of putting him in his bouncy chair or on his play mat he cries and gets progressively hysterical. He is also doing this when being put down for naps or at bedtime. He seems only satisfied if cuddled or fed to sleep.

How do you break this pattern and get him to settle on his own? I have started to leave him to cry today but I am not sure how long it is safe to leave him and I worry he may be still be hungry as I am breastfeeding him, so I don’t know how much he is having.

Callum is three weeks old and weighs 8lbs 15 oz. He has put on 1lb since birth.

He is breast fed at 7.00,10.00,14.00,17.00,18.30hrs. He has a formula feed of 4ozs at 22.30pm and 02.30am. At 11.45am I give him a top up of expressed milk to help him settle for his nap.

Callum could well be going through a 3-week growth spurt and needing a little more food. If he is unsettled at 6.30pm your supply could be a little low so offer him a top-up of expressed milk so he settles for the evening and allows you to rest.

For nine months Callum was snug and secure in your womb. Now he is in the world and there is a lot of space around him which can make some small babies feel insecure.

Try putting Callum into his bouncy chair swaddled. This will help him feel more secure. As he gets increasingly used to the sensation of being in a chair you won’t need to do this anymore, but try it for the next few weeks. If you want Callum to spend time on his play mat also swaddle him lightly or place a blanket over his body. He has no control over his flailing limbs yet, but a cover will help him quieten down a little. Most small babies only manage 10-15 minutes in one place, either their chair or the floor before needing some reassurance. As Callum grows, this time will lengthen but he is still very young.

If you are not already swaddling Callum at nap and bedtimes, then begin to do so. This will help him settle better as the swaddle prevents his limbs from jerking and the Moro reflex startling him.

Watch him for signs of tiredness. An overtired baby will cry and take longer to settle than one who is ready for sleep and has calmed down enough by having a “wind down” period with you in their room. A young baby often only stays awake for an hour at a time. This time is taken from his waking for a feed so he may be ready for sleep not long after finishing his feed.

Winding a baby down is very important and helps him to learn how to settle to sleep when tired. It can take 20 minutes so watch him for signs of tiredness such as yawning and beginning to cry after a short spell on his mat or in his chair.

Once you are sure that Callum has fed well and is getting tired, take him to his room. Swaddle him securely before sitting with him in the dark. Try to remain calm yourself and relax as a baby can easily pick upon any tension in you.  Practise the breathing taught to you in ante-natal class if you find you are tense. Try not to worry about everything you have to do once Callum is asleep.

As you hold him close yet without eye contact, be aware that he may wriggle and squirm and maybe even cry a little. Some mothers choose to use a dummy at this point, as sucking can help a baby calm down and become sleepy. Try not to change his position, but let him begin to relax as he will do before becoming sleepy. Remember this stage can take 20 minutes so be prepared to wait.

Once you feel that Callum is becoming “heavy” and relaxed on you take a quick look at his eyes. They should be very sleepy by now. This is a good time to put him down so he is not fully asleep before he reaches his cot, but on the way to it. If you swaddled him securely before winding down you should be able to lay him down and cover him with a cotton sheet or cellular blanket without disturbing him too much. Make sure he is firmly tucked in using two rolled towels down the cot sides. If Callum is in a Moses basket it is still important to tuck him in securely, using towels to anchor the covering sheet or blanket in the same way.

So, once down, does Callum begin to fuss and cry? This is perfectly normal in a small baby who realises he is no longer in someone’s warm arms. Hard though it may seem if you can leave him for 10 minutes then he may well just resettle himself to sleep. It is not easy to hear a small baby cry. Try to realise why he is doing this. When you go to bed you don’t lie down and fall straight asleep. You may turn over a couple of times and shift yourself around to be comfortable. A baby, especially when young and put to sleep on their back, is unable to do this. Being swaddled helps but they still use the only means they have of getting comfortable; their voice. If after 10 minutes you feel his crying is increasing, not decreasing then pick him up and start to calm him again.

Callum is very small and still learning how to fall asleep. If you gradually work towards putting him down more awake than asleep, you will find he will be able to do this alone but it can take another few weeks. Often a baby will settle better at the morning nap, having slept well in the night, rather than later on in the day when they may need more help. Keep working at it.

As Callum is sleeping well between feeds and gaining weight well, it would seem he is just a sensitive little boy who needs some help to adjust to the outside world.