Development FAQ: 24+ months – Behaviour

My 2.5yr old is well behaved at nursery but once he is home he becomes very boisterous and wild.

I returned to full time work when my son was 18mths old. We have found a lovely nursery for him which he enjoys going to every day. The staff there often comment how well behaved and co operative he is. But I never see this. I pick him up at 4.30pm and he is full of beans. As soon as we return home he seems to turn into a different child. He becomes very hyperactive, rushing around and demanding my attention but then not really listening to me. I need to prepare our evening meal, sort the laundry and catch up on messages left so really need to know what to do to change his behaviour at this time of day.

I would like him to share our suppertime at 7pm and wonder if he is old enough to do this. Should I bath him first and then get him straight to bed when our meal is over? At present I give him his own supper at 6pm, followed by bath and bed at around 7.30pm. This means we dont sit down until really late for out supper as he can prolong bedtime by demanding more stories. I usually give in as I feel he may miss me in the day but we are all getting exhausted.

It is never easy trying to balance your own needs against those of your child, especially when you are in full-time work. Of course you wish to spend time with him in the evenings but you have other things too which need to be done.

Your son needs time to adjust from being at nursery, where he has plenty of interaction and structure, to being at home where the pace of life is different. He may find it difficult to make this adjustment without your help. If he seems full of energy when you pick him up see if you can fit in half an hour at the park, or even a kick around in the garden to get rid of some of his energy. If his nursery day is quite structured he will need to let off steam. He has been well behaved and co operative all day, which is quite a feat for a child of his age. By channelling some of his energy into playing football or running around he may settle down better once you are in the house.

When you pick him up, as well as speaking to the staff about his day, ask him to show you what he has been doing. He may have artwork drying or a model that is on display. Most nurseries will allow you to stay in his room for a few minutes and this can help bridge the gap between nursery and home.

Once you are home offer your child a snack or, if you have a long journey to get there, give him something to eat along the way. Low blood sugar can often make small children difficult to handle. A piece of cheese, some wholewheat crackers or dried fruit will all help boost him up. If you give him his snack at home make yourself a drink and sit down with him even if only for ten minutes. This will help both of you share a short time together when he can settle back into being at home again.

If you want to spend time with him but have many chores to do suggest to your son that he helps you. He is old enough to push laundry into the machine, [although you will need to sort it] and he can pull clothes from the drier into a basket if it is at the right height. Ask him to pair all the socks up. This will be easier if they are different colours and can be a great way for a small child to learn easily about matching.

He will be able to help with meal preparation in some way. He can find vegetables for you from their rack. He can carry place mats to the table. Show him how to load and unload the dishwasher. Teach him about knives which need to be placed in a safe position. You may need to remove cooking knives and fragile glasses yourself but, when given the responsibility of carrying crockery, most small children are extremely capable. If you encourage him to join in what you are doing you will be spending time with him in an unstructured and natural way. Most children of this age are keen to help grown ups. The work may take a little longer and you may have to supervise him with some tasks but it is worth the effort.

Depending on the time your son has eaten his tea at nursery, and the kind of food he is offered there, he may be able to join you for supper at 7pm provided he is able to wait this long and will not be too tired to eat properly. Begin with trying it on Friday nights, which could become a special family evening. A later bedtime will not be so difficult for you all on the last night of the working week. It would be a good idea to bath him first, providing he is not too messy an eater, and let him wear his pyjamas as he joins you both. He will probably feel very grown up and privileged and so rise to the occasion. As it is Friday you will be able to spend time over your meal, rather than rushing him through and up to bed quickly. Continue with this one special evening until you feel he is older and better able to understand about going straight to bed afterwards.

If you are spending time together after nursery with your son helping you around the house, he may find it easier to go to bed without wanting more stories as he will have had plenty of your attention earlier in the evening. Try to have most of your chores done by his suppertime and sit down with him as he eats. Having time to give him a bath without a rush will help him calm down and not demand your attention when it is time for lights out. Small children can be very astute at sensing if you are rushed or trying to get them to bed quickly and will play up even more. Keep bath time quiet and have him in bed half an hour after coming out. If he is allowed to rush around again after his bath he is more likely to get a “second wind” and be slower to settle down. Once you come upstairs for bath time don’t let him go downstairs again afterwards. Before you begin story time, decide how many books you are going to read. Ask your son to count them through with you and tell him that when you have read them it will be time for him to snuggle down. It is best if this story time takes place in his room so he begins to relax whilst you are reading to him. Three stories for this age is usually sufficient and, if you remain calmly firm each night, he will soon realise that this is the way bedtime happens now. If you have started his bedtime routine in plenty of time, and got on with stories fairly soon after your son is out of the bath, he will be ready to have his light out by 7.30pm.

Reading stories to small children can take place at any time of day. Traditionally it is associated with bedtime but reading a story together at certain points in the day can often prevent flashpoints from happening. In an accessible place downstairs, keep a selection of stories your son enjoys. He may like you reading a story with him once he is home from nursery and eating his snack. If you begin to read to him at other moments in the evening his pleas for more stories at bedtime should become a thing of the past.