Sleeping FAQ: 6-9 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

How do I get my six-month old son used to sleeping in a cot in his own room?  He cries the minute that I put him in his cot, and it can take up to an hour to settle him to sleep.  He then wakes up crying within 45 minutes to an hour.  I go to him, almost immediately, and start first of all by putting his dummy in. If this doesn’t work I then offer him a bottle of milk.  If this doesn’t work I usually resort to picking him up and rocking him to sleep. However, he will wake up again quite soon and sometimes as soon as I put him back in his cot despite him seeming deep asleep in my arms!!   Where am I going wrong?

As your son has been sleeping in your bedroom and spending part of the night in your bed for six months and having most of his naps in a sling or in the pram, he is probably feeling slightly abandoned at being put in separate room and a strange bed. You seem to have the added problem that your son has to be helped to sleep with the aid of the dummy, rocking or feeding. This is probably the cause of him crying out every 45 minutes to an hour.  As he comes into a light sleep, he is unable to get back to sleep without the same assistance.   Both of these sleep association problems are very common with babies who have not learned to get to sleep on their own in the early days. To solve this problem, your son will have to learn to get to sleep on his own, which means him going into the cot when he is tired and ready to sleep, but not fully asleep.

We suggest that you continue to give your son his daytime sleep in his pram or sling, and assisting him to sleep as you are doing at present, until he is more accustomed to his cot.   To help get him more used to his cot, start putting him in it to play for short spells during his awake time.   Begin by sitting on a chair beside the cot and holding both his hands across his chest while he watches his mobile go around.   Once he is happy to lie there without getting fretful, let go of one of his hands and give him a small soft toy to hold.  When he is happy holding the toy in one hand, encourage him to hold and play with it with both hands.   Continue to remain seated by the cot, talking and reassuring him, then when he is happy to play with his toy for five minutes, gradually move the chair further and further away from the cot while continuing to talk to him.   Eventually, you should reach a stage where you can potter around the room while he is playing in the cot.

Once he is happy to lie and play for twenty minutes, you should start to leave the room every five minutes for a minute at a time. Gradually build up the time you are out of the room.   If you carry out the above procedure several times a day until he is happy to be left in his cot for short spells, we would then advise that you start settling him to sleep in the evening and at naptimes without the dummy. It is important that you ensure that he is well fed, and ready to sleep, but not overtired.  Use the same bedtime routine each evening, and when you settle him in the cot say “night night” in a calm, quiet but very positive voice.   It may also help to use a lullaby light at this stage, which plays a tune and projects images around the walls and ceiling of the bedroom. Once you have left the room, try to allow five minutes for him to settle himself.  If he is only fussing, you can leave him longer to see if he will settle himself.  If he is getting very upset, you should return to the room every 3-5 minutes to reassure him. You can stroke his forehead or his tummy, for a minute or so, but try not to lift him out of the cot. Leave the room for a further 3-5 minutes before returning and repeating the same soothing techniques.  Continue with this pattern until he eventually falls asleep.

The next evening, follow the same procedure, but extend the time between visits to reassure him to 5 – 8 minutes.   On the third evening, if his fussing and crying is getting less, you should extend the time between visits to 10-15 minutes, and on the fourth evening to 15-20 minutes.   We usually find that between the third and fifth night, most babies have learned to settle themselves within 10-20 minutes.

It is important that before you start any form of sleep training that you discuss it first with your doctor or health visitor.