Sleeping FAQ: 24+ Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

My 26 month old is refusing to go to bed. The minute I leave her she becomes totally hysterical and starts to scream and scream. This has started since Saturday when the clocks changed and so I thought she just wasn’t tired enough. Now I am not so sure. Last night we didn’t manage to get her to sleep until 8.30; Today she has had no lunchtime nap at all as she was just too hysterical. I have tried all the techniques but she just continues to be hysterical the moment I leave the room. Ideally she would like me to sit next to the cot until she has gone to sleep, I really do not want to have to go down this route. We have just had a new baby 12 weeks ago;she has not shown any signs of jealousy and is very loving to her baby brother.

Although she is not showing any signs of jealousy it is important to remember that her little world has been turned upside down, and she is now having to share her space and your attention with a new baby. She is associating her cot and bedtime with you leaving her to spend time with the baby. You do need to stay with her; she needs reassuring and she needs you to be patient with her.

As frustrating as it sounds, you do need to sit with her, but with very strict ground rules. Start the bed time routine earlier than usual, spending a little time in her room playing before bath time. I suggest to many parents making up a bedtime box with a few quiet toys like a new jigsaw puzzle, a game and a few books. Instead of her immediately kicking up a fuss and starting the bed time battle she can get excited about going to find her bedtime box. This box must go away before bath time and then only come out again the next night.

Next for the bedtime battle! Explain to her that you are going to stay with her until she goes to sleep, you are going to sit on a chair, show her the chair and show her where you are going to put it, explain to her you will sit with her only if she is quiet and settled; if she is jumping up in her cot, or speaking to you , you will leave the room and only come back when she is lying down.
To put the plan into action, first get a chair and put it by the cot, right up near her head; tell her you are going to sit there, no hand holding, no face rubbing, just sit there, until she goes to sleep. If she gets up or starts to cry you will go out of the room until she is lying down again, then resume your position on the seat.

Once she is happy doing that, move the chair to the foot of the cot, then into the middle of the room, then the door, into the hallway and finally your bedroom. Allow her three nights at each stage of being settled and happy with you sitting where you are before moving to the next stage. This takes a while but it is better to do it slowly with her gradually building her trust in you.
Lunchtime naps should be tackled in the same way, however this may be more difficult as your partner will probably not be around to help – in this case stay away from the cot and give her a sleep anywhere else, i.e. on the sofa or in the car or the buggy, until she is confident with going to sleep again, and the just go back to your usual lunch time nap routine. . Many children of this age have cut out their lunchtime nap altogether, or may only need a nap every two or three days. It would also be advisable to restrict your daughter’s daytime sleep to no more than one hour to see if this also helps improve the evening settling.