Sleeping FAQ: 24+ Months – Night Waking

Night time waking and bedwetting (3 yrs 1 mth). What should we do?

Our problem is night time waking. Lily (3.1 yrs) has always been a contented baby and an excellent sleeper. However her life has become rather disrupted over the past 5/6 months. She has had a new baby brother (whom she adores) and has dealt with the loss of a beloved grandmother. Her brother (5.5mths) is in a good routine and sleeps well.

Lily had chicken pox a few weeks ago. I took her out of night time nappies as they were irritating her so much. She has been out of daytime nappies for a year. She was dry for at least two weeks at night, but has now started wetting the bed every night. We lift her before we go to bed and don’t give her milk at night anymore.

However, often before she even wets the bed she comes into us saying she can’t sleep in her room as she needs someone to look after her, because of the monsters. We have tried many things: a night light, shooing away the monsters, giving her a special teddy to look after her and the gradual withdrawal method. Nothing seems to be working. Is this just a phase she will grow out of? We are about to go away on a long trip to Australia and US which will obviously cause much disruption to her sleeping, so I am almost hesitant to correct it before we go and tackle it on our return in a few weeks. We are both exhausted though through lack of sleep.

Should I put her back into night nappies until things have calmed down?

Providing that Lily is not unduly upset at the thought of night nappies again, it would be best to put her back, especially over your journey times. As she is also having her problem with “monsters” it would be better if she didn’t have to wake up wet as well. She may just want the security of nappies again, as at this age a great deal of physical, mental and emotional growth is going on. She has had a lot to contend with over the past 6 months and these problems could well be her way of coming to terms with what has happened.

Are you aware of any specific cause that may have started the monster problem? A book or video she may have seen? Children of 3+ have very vivid imaginations which can begin to work overtime when they stir in the night. This, coupled with recent events may have triggered these problems. Some children’s “monsters” are in fact their own fears, worries and feelings. As Lily has recently coped with the death of a beloved Grandmother, as well as a new sibling, and then been unwell she has had a lot on her mind.

Make sure she is not overtired. As Lily is at pre-school 4 half days a week, she may well need to go to bed 15/20mins earlier than 7.30pm. It is not clear when she dropped her daytime nap but a slightly earlier bedtime will compensate for its loss. She may be going down to sleep completely exhausted, and therefore having troubled sleep. Although you are obviously putting Freddy to bed as well and probably give her a special time once he is settled, it maybe worth shifting both of them slightly earlier for a week or so to help her go to bed and settle slowly. Keep the time after the bath as calm and quiet as possible, so that the whole process of going to bed is a pleasant and relaxing experience.

Keep a note of her nightmares in relation to what she has been doing by day and if she has had any upsets about anything. Speak to her teachers at school about any topics they may have covered in the past few weeks, or any stories recently read to the children. Has Lily had any problems settling at school or with another child who may have been aggressive towards her?
At her age it is important to try to find out why this has begun happening. Talking about her fears and dreams in the morning could help you pinpoint the cause. Finding a plausible reason for the “monsters” could help you think of new ways to get rid of them. You need to acknowledge that to Lily the monsters are real. Look in Contented Baby to Confident Child p166 and see if you can think of an explanation for Lily as to why the monsters are in her room.

Handled with firm but loving care, this phase should pass. Putting her back into nappies will eliminate one possible cause for her fears and wakings, as it may be on her mind that she will wet the bed. Once you can understand a little more about her “monsters”, you will be able to put her mind to rest. It would be worth trying to deal with this now before you leave for your trip. You may not have an instant result, but to realise why this happening on a nightly basis will help you find ways to soothe Lily’s fears.

If the problem continues after your trips, it would be worth considering asking your doctor for a referral to a sleep clinic, which would have specialist knowledge in a case such as this.