Eva is eleven months old, refusing to eat and very clingy
I have been following the Contented Baby routines with my daughter Eva since she was 6 weeks old. She is now eleven months. At the end of December 2004 Evie became ill. She stopped eating solids completely for two weeks, was put on antibiotics and suffered from teething and colds until recently. During this time she has become extremely clingy and whingey – enough so that Dad now wants her to go to nursery!! I believe she is suffering greatly from separation anxiety – she screams and cries when I refuse to pick her up (even if I am right there making food, sitting on a chair or on the ground next to her). I have been trying to go through ‘controlled crying’ during the day – pick her up only for very good reasons, then praise her for playing on her own, etc. I am trying to walk slowly so she can crawl after me instead of insisting on being picked up all the time. I tend to get down to her level so she can come to me for comfort, instead of running over and picking her up. This is a very slow process – some days okay, some days terrible, crying non-stop.
She has just started accepting food again in the last two days – she drank enough milk to get her through the night in the past six weeks though. She has always slept from 7.30pm to 9.00am every night (one nap at 1.00 pm for 1 ½ hrs), but now she wakes frequently at night crying. When I don’t go in she stops after 10-15 minutes. When I go in to console her (or if I need to check she is okay), she goes ballistic when I leave. I now wake her at 8 am every morning, so she sleeps a total of about 13-14 hours daily.
For at least 6 weeks she refused most foods altogether, whether it was finger foods or food I tried to feed her. When visitors come over she becomes inconsolable and clingy, crying non-stop, even after a long period of settling in quietly.
I think the main problem occurred during her illness and lack of food – she is content when she gets enough to eat. Her refusal to eat after months of loving her food was very strange. I tried every fun finger food and different combination possible.
When I put her down at night she sometimes cries for 5-10 minutes before falling asleep, and I do not go in to comfort her. I wonder whether this crying down then and late at night when I don’t go in is having a negative effect on the separation anxiety, ie. her thinking that I don’t come when she cries. My older daughter never had any problems in respect of eating/drinking, however, Evie has never really liked her bottles. She has always insisted on drinking her milk whilst lying down (even as a newborn!) and only will drink from the bottle when I hold it when she is sitting in her highchair (even though it has handles). She will often attempt to hold it for a while then throw it away, so if I don’t hold the bottle she won’t drink it. She is a bit of a wilful little thing.
I am sure this is just a phase, but it is worrying and I Iook forward to your reply.
Eva obviously has had a series of events happening to her which have resulted in this extreme behaviour. As you say it is a phase, which will pass in time. Once she is more mobile, i.e. walking, you may find that she is less clingy as she will have the means to follow you better. It can be trying to have a clingy child but their needs must be met with sensitivity.
As Eva was on antibiotics I presume she had an infection of some kind. Babies of this age cannot tell us where it hurts and can become frightened by the pain they are in if ears, throat or any other area is infected. Their response is to cling to you. She may still associate eating with pain and take a while before she is back to her old appetite.
I notice from your diary that Eva is still having formula at lunchtime. Have you tried offering her a beaker of water at this time? Drinking 8oz of formula alongside her solids will certainly diminish her appetite. Also giving milk when protein is also offered reduces the iron absorption from the protein up to 50%.
If you are concerned about her losing that amount of milk, offer it to her when she wakes from her lunchtime nap.
Continue to encourage Eva with finger food as well as feeding her but try to remain calm at mealtimes. If she refuses to eat any more, remove her from her highchair and wait until her next snack or mealtime before offering her more food. Babies of this age can become very aware of their power over food refusal and how it affects the grown-ups caring for them.
Handled with sensitivity I feel sure that Eva will soon pass through this phase and become a little more confident when in company. Meanwhile accept you will have a “shadow” with you for a little while longer.