How do I get my 10mth old son to stop screaming? It is affecting our whole life
My son has always been a very happy and easy baby. However, there is one major problem that has caused endless tension and countless arguments between my husband and me. Basically, he likes to scream (a very high pitched horror film style scream). He seems to do it when he is excited, tired, hungry, dirty, bored, frustrated or in need of attention.
It started when he was about 4 1/2 mths old and I was adamant it was just a phase that he would soon grow out of. I have always been able to largely ignore it, and my two year old daughter soon got used to it. However my husband has a real issue with it and really can’t stand the noise. He finds it incredibly frustrating and stressful and is becoming increasingly angry with our son for doing it. I persuaded him initially that he was too young to be ‘told off’ for doing it and that we wouldn’t be able to ‘discipline’ such a small baby. However, this argument is now wearing a bit thin.
I know that this sounds like a small problem, but it has caused such awful problems in our family life and has ruined what should have been such a special few months with out two young children. My husband is continually stressed and angry and I am resenting him more and more for not having the patience to deal with it. We used to have such a strong relationship and enjoyed our children immensely, but now we can’t get through a day together without major tension or a row.
I know this isn’t the normal sort of question you answer, but I haven’t been able to get any helpful advice from my health visitors and thought you might have experienced this before with one of the babies you have cared for.
I basically would really appreciate your opinion on whether, at 10 months, he is too young to be trained out of the habit, and if not, how would you go about it? I’ve tried endless distraction which is sometimes effective, but not always possible when I’m caring for them both on my own or long lasting. I’ve also tried just saying a very firm ‘no’, but it seems to make no difference, although he understands the word and usually obeys it when I’m telling him not to touch something he shouldn’t.
A problem such as this which is causing so much upset in your house does need to be addressed now. Your son probably realizes by now that he can draw some kind of attention to himself by making this noise. It is very sad indeed that you have all been deprived of spending these past few months together as a happy, united family
Now your son is old enough to understand “No”, it needs to be reinforced each and every time he starts to make the noise. Go to him as soon as he begins; hold his arms firmly by his side and look at him in the eyes. Say to him in a very firm voice, “No, you may not make that noise” and keep hold of him until he stops. It will take time as this has now become a way he has used to attract attention for over five months.
Sit down with your husband and talk together about how this is affecting both of you. Ask him that he too adopts this firm manner with your son when your he begins to scream. Your husband may need to take a few breaths before he does so as it is obviously something which irritates him severely. Tell him he must remain calm but firm. If he begins to get annoyed by the noise it would be better if he left the room and let you deal with it. By beginning to do something about the situation each and every time, your husband should begin to realize how much this affects you too even though you have tried other techniques, such as ignoring and distraction, in the past.
One of the most important lessons in parenting is to provide a united front towards your children. They realize at quite an early age that it is possible to play parents one against the other if there is a difference of opinion between you. By both dealing with this situation in the same calm but firm way your son should stop. Within a few weeks, if he should begin to scream, all it may take is a look and perhaps a call to him of his name in a firm voice for him to immediately stop the noise. Now your son is 10 months old maybe your husband can begin to enjoy some one-to-one time with him. They could take a bath or shower together or perhaps enjoy some rough and tumble play which boys and men are usually much better at than girls and Mums. If your husband begins to see that your son is, on the whole, a happy little boy who is growing into a real character he may be able to not let the screaming wind him up quite so much.
Your son can be encouraged to make other sounds such as animal noises. Find a book with pictures of farmyard or zoo animals in it and get him to join in with you and your daughter in making the noises. Use this at times of the day when he is most likely to start screaming. Sing to him as much as you can to give him other ways to use his vocal chords, and use easy actions for him to copy. Your daughter can be encouraged to sing along with him.
As with most childhood problems this is a phase but one which has gone on too long now, and caused more upset than it should. You need to do everything you can to reinforce to your son that this kind of screaming is not going to happen any more.