Sleeping FAQ: 12-18 Months – Settling/Sleep Associations

My 16 month son is cuddled to sleep, and now I need to stop.

My son, Rahul, is 16 months with no siblings. He was 3.5kgs at birth and is 13.5kgs now. His routine is approximately 7am-8pm. He was breast fed until 5mths. I stopped because he was drinking 10 ounces at each feed and totally exhausting me. He has been on formula milk since then (Similac Advance). He has 6oz (180ml) milk on waking and breakfast at 9/9.30am. Lunch is at 11.30/45am followed by a bath and a nap between 1pm and 2.15/3pm. He will have 4oz (120ml) milk and some fruit by 4pm. If he is still hungry then he has a biscuit. Dinner is at 6.30pm. Bathtime is 7.45pm followed by bedtime.

Rahul is cuddled to sleep. He takes comfort pulling on my ear and is so strong now that it really hurts. I have to tell him to stop and try and hold his hands down. I had a private nurse in the nights until he was 1 so she put him to bed. I had a day nurse for a short time. But he is mainly in my care now and at times a nanny watches him if I go out – which I do not do that often except to go to the gym. He has never used a dummy. I bathe him mostly, for a short time he was bathed in the day by the nanny. He is not unsettled at bedtime but will fight his sleep if he is over-excited or over-tired. It normally takes him 3-5 minutes to settle in the afternoon and 10 in the night.

Rahul was a great baby, and I started to follow the contented baby routine at 2 months. He had given up his night feed by 4 and a half months. He was not slowly taken off the breast but went cold turkey – I was depressed and exhausted and just could not do it. So he rejected the first bottle but hasn’t looked back after the second. I started solids simultaneously, and had no problem.

He sleeps well and I have noticed that when he is teething he wakes in the night and sometimes he can be patted back to sleep, but mostly needs to be picked up and cuddled. He has his 8 front teeth, and his 4 molars and upper canines are coming through right now. So we have had a few weeks of night waking and early morning waking. He never asks for a feed though.

As my husband does not help me, sometimes I am so tired that I pick him up and go to sleep on the mattress on his floor with him. He happily sleeps till 8am on those days. I am scared it has become a habit.

My concerns are that he should sleep right through if possible, and that I should not be holding him until he sleeps. I think he should be able to put himself to bed. What should I do?
Tejal

I would suggest that the time has come to make a proper bedtime routine for Rahul. He will possibly protest at first but he soon will understand that the same procedure will take place every night, and also during the night if he wakes.

Gradual withdrawal does take persistence and consistency, but can be effective for children who have never learnt to settle alone.

After his dinner I suggest you have a quiet time just tidying up his toys and then take him up for his bath about 7.15pm. If Rahul is to settle himself to sleep he needs to be tired but not overtired. By bathing him earlier and keeping everything quiet, with the lights low he will begin to wind down. Avoid noisy games in the bath. Dress Rahul ready for bed and clean his teeth. Then take him to his room and sit cosily looking at books together for about 10 minutes. Keep his lights dimmed. Settle Rahul in his cot. Put a favourite toy near him and say goodnight. Dim the lights right down or turn them off but stay in the room. You could sit on a chair close to his cot to begin with. If he cries, reassure him that you are there and lie him down again if he is standing up. You may have to do this many times before he falls asleep on the first night. Each time use the same words,” night, night Rahul, it’s time to sleep now”. Try to remain calm but persistent. If he cries or grabs your ears you must lie him down and sit back on the chair. This procedure can take many nights. As he becomes more used to his new routine you begin to withdraw further away from his cot or potter about in the room tidying drawers but reassuring him still and telling him it is night-time.

Then the next stage is to leave the room for very short periods – 30 seconds to 1 minute to begin with and tell Rahul you will be back very soon. Keep on with this but very gradually lengthening the time spent outside.

It is important to keep using the same words over and over again so he realises that you mean what you say.

Obviously this method takes a lot of time and patience. It must be kept to for a week or two before Rahul will settle by himself into his cot at bedtime. I feel that once you are confident that Rahul is able to settle alone to sleep at bedtime you will be able to cope with his occasional nightwakings better. If you feel his teeth are the problem reassure and comfort him as quickly as possible and then lie him down and repeat the words you use to settle him in the evenings. It might take a little longer than falling asleep with him on the mattress but as you say you don’t want that to become a habit so you are showing Rahul how he can settle himself.

Some small children will settle better alone if they have something of yours with them in their cot. A t-shirt is ideal, which you have worn recently as the familiar smell will reassure your child.