Sleeping FAQ: 12-18 Months – Lunchtime Nap

My 1 year old daughter has started to fight going down for her daytime nap on the days when I care for her.

My 1 year old daughter has always been a CLB, following the routine to the letter. We started having a nanny 1 day a week 2 months ago and the nursery for 2 days a week one month ago (we have to do this until we get the full 3 days in the nursery in a couple of months time). She adjusted immediately without much separation anxiety (at least not displayed) and has her usual lunchtime nap from about noon to 2pm with the nanny as well as in the nursery. However, on the days she is home with me, she will either have difficulties settling for the lunchtime nap or will wake during the nap and will not re-settle. Her crying might become hysterical; she reaches out for me and will only settle on my arm. As this is not a case of wrong sleeping associations since she has never had problems before, I was reluctant to try controlled crying, which has worked in the past when her sleep pattern was confused due to previous illness, holidays etc. Also, Gina says to respond to the child’s needs when experiencing separation anxiety as it will then be quicker to pass than if ignored or “adjusted” with sleep training. My doctor has also explained that even if separation anxiety is not apparent in the nursery or with the other carers, it is usual for the child to display clinginess when back with the mother. After having responded to her needs for about 2 weeks last month, lying down with her every lunchtime nap I grew afraid of now installing wrong sleep associations in the first place. So I stopped about 2 weeks ago and did sleep training for 3 days and it seemed fine. But as she has displayed the same behaviour at today’s lunchtime nap again, I am now really confused as to whether my daughter’s sleeping problems are due to over-tiredness (she had a stressful week and has just recently dropped her morning nap) or separation anxiety or the fact that the times of her daytime sleep vary now a little from day to day and are not on the exact minute as it was previously the case, when I was the sole carer. And what harm could it do to her if I applied sleep training again? However, if it is separation anxiety in fact, how long am I to let her sleep on my arm for 2 hours? And how do I avoid her getting used to it and how do I realize when she is crying just to “have her way” and be on my arm, without real separation anxiety? I know that she needs her full 2 hrs. of daytime sleep, as she is obviously too tired and in a bad mood on the days we did not manage – a totally new experience to me and to her, as she has always been in the routine and perfectly happy. Please help us get our CLB back and help her get the sleep she needs, without losing trust in me because I will not pick her up and respond to her wishes or needs.

My daughter has cereal and fruit at breakfast, after 200mls formula. On the days she eats her lunch at nursery she will have carbohydrates such as potato or rice, vegetables and some kind of a sauce, often combined with chicken or fish. This can be pureed or mashed for her. When her nanny cares for her she will have plain vegetables with potato or rice. About every other day she will have meat added to this, and it is mashed. On the days I care for her she will have the same or convenience food by HIPP. My daughter will take about 200-250gr of lunch followed by 100-200gr of fruit puree or pieces.

She takes cereal, fruit and bread at teatime, followed by about 200mls of formula at 6.50pm.

My daughter wakes at 7am and naps from 12-2pm. She settles at 7pm.

As your daughter has had to get used to going to going to nursery and to having a nanny care for her in the last two months, as well as dropping her morning nap, it is not surprising she has become rather upset when going down for her lunchtime nap on the days that you care for her.

So often a baby will accept being cared for by other people but when you, her main carer, are there she will show the anxiety she may be feeling. At this age your daughter is unable to articulate her needs and feelings about the changes in her life but knows that when you are there she wants to be with you. Although separation anxiety may be one of the reasons for her not settling there are other factors to be considered.

To help your daughter settle better to her lunchtime nap when you care for her, there are several things you can try.

• One of the reasons for your daughter’s protests may be that she is not really tired at 12 midday. On the days she is at nursery or with her nanny she may be much busier than on the days when she is at home with you. By letting her settle to sleep 30-45 minutes later she may be more willing to fall asleep without such a fuss. Once the morning nap is dropped it is usual for a baby of this age to be settling to sleep at 12.30/1pm, and sleeping for two hours.
• If it is possible to let your daughter sleep for longer in the morning, then try not to wake her until nearer 7.30am. This will help her get through the morning, until her new settling time for the lunchtime nap, without becoming too tired and upset. If your daughter wakes herself by 7am then gradually move her nap time on by 10 minutes every few days until she is settling between 12.30-1pm.
• Looking at your daughter’s food intake, it appears that she may be feeling slightly hungry. At her age it is advised that she receives 50gr of protein daily, preferably at lunchtime. If you do not wish to feed your daughter animal protein every day then you must make up for this by giving her vegetable protein sources, such as lentils. Take a look at a vegetarian cookbook written for babies and children and you will find recipes which will help you balance her meals, as she will need more vegetable protein than animal protein. Or ask the advice of your doctor.
• At her age your daughter should be able to cope with her food chopped finely rather than mashed and pureed. Encourage her to self feed using a spoon and offer her finger foods at each mealtime. These could be batons of steamed vegetables, such as carrots or small florets of broccoli. You could also offer her small sticks of cheese, especially on the days when she does not receive meat at lunchtime.
• Although convenience foods are useful at times they do not have the same nutritional content as home cooked food. The protein content may be lower than the recommended 50gr and the water content of convenience food in jars can be quite high.
• If you have a look through the Contented Book of Weaning or Gina’s Cookbook for Babies and Toddlers you will find plenty of recipes which can be made up in batches and frozen in portions suitable for your daughter. This may help you have ready meals for her on the days when she is at home. You can defrost her portion first thing in the morning and cook her selection of fresh vegetables to add to it at lunchtime.
• Offer your daughter a drink of water before she goes down for her nap to make sure she is not thirsty.
• When you care for your daughter make the time before her nap a special time for the two of you. Have a quiet time looking at a couple of books in her room and maybe sharing a cuddle and a song. Tuck her up in her cot and tell her you will see her when she has had her sleep. If she has a favourite toy, tuck that in with her or even give her something of your own, such as a tee shirt you have worn, so she can sleep with it. The familiar smell may take away some her fears.
• If your daughter begins to cry when you put her down try the method of gradual withdrawal with her. This is described in full in the Complete Sleep Guide, page 49. This involves staying near her cot and reassuring her with your voice at intervals and then gradually moving yourself away, across the room, from her. It can take time for this method to work but, if she is feeling slightly anxious about the recent changes in her life as well as some separation anxiety, this will help her to settle without relying on you holding her for the whole nap time.
• Once you have adjusted the time of her daytime nap and looked into her present food intake you may find she is less resistant about going down. It may take a few days of broken naps when you are caring for her but she should become used to the fact that you are not going away whilst she sleeps. By remaining close, but not actually holding her to sleep, she should begin to feel more reassured about settling herself, as she does on other days of the week.

Separation anxiety can be a difficult phase to get through when a baby seems to need you at her nap times. Play lots of games of ‘peek-a-boo’ and ‘hide and seek’ during the day. When you have to move to another room always tell her that you are going and either wait for her to come with you, if she is crawling or walking, or call through to reassure her that although you are out of sight you are still nearby. You do need to deal with this phase in a way that is sympathetic but also realistic. Your daughter needs her sleep at lunchtime and you know that she is capable of settling herself to sleep in her cot when you are not there. Using the same way to settle her each and every day she makes a fuss should help her understand that even though it is you who is caring for her she must sleep on her own. This consistency on your part will reassure your daughter and help her move through this phase.

As your daughter does not make a fuss when going to bed at 7pm, when again she will be separating from you, it is certainly worth looking at how active she is in the morning, adjusting her nap time and checking her diet as well as considering separation anxiety to be the only cause of this current difficulty.